Father Figure
by Kaitlinbell
Summary: I am Danilo del Rossi. And my son is gay. I vowed, at the young age of fifteen that I would not be my father. I would love my family. And I have failed.Songfic. One shot. Dark themes.


Songfic. "Figure" by Linkin Park

Warning: Contains some bad stuffs. Homosexuality, murder, suicide, perhaps even insanity. If any of that bothers you I suggest the back button.

I was just kinda thinking tonight and I wondered "what if tradition and Mr. del Rossi's home life affected him in a negative way?"

Well, here it is. You tell me.

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"I am Danilo del Rossi. And my son is gay."

The Italian man stopped writing and sat his pen down, thinking. The room was dim, with only a desk lamp giving light. The man, Danilo, brought up a hand and scrubbed his face tiredly, sighing. His eyes fixed upon the wall in front of him where a family picture hung. A short, plump woman with a kindly face stood smiling at the camera with his arm around her shoulders.

Ah, his lovely wife. Such a warm-hearted woman. She overflowed with love and motherly concern. He loved her more than anything. How he had wronged her.

His eyes roamed to the front of his wife where a short boy stood with his mother's eyes and his smile. Looking at him now...he noticed everything he had ever missed. The more stylish clothes, the longer hair, the earrings, the studious nature. How had he missed it? Marco. His son. His disgrace.

Danilo shook his head somberly and picked his pen back up and began to slowly write again.

"When I was a young man back in Italy I always looked up to my father. He was a very powerful man. He owned one of the largest trades in our town and raised us children up right in the eyes of the lord.

Of course, this was only to everyone outside our household.

My father...he was not the most nurturing of men. He believed in firm disclipine, learning from punishment, striving to be the most you can be. To be a man. And there, perhaps, lied his mistake.

He was not so much a father, as a role-model. I could never once tell you of a time he went and played outside with my brothers and I. He was...like a spectar from the late night stories my grandmother Rosa used to tell after meals.

Dark, intimidating, silent.

I vowed, at the young age of fifteen that I would not be my father. I would love my family. I would spend time with my children...teach them things. Show them the world. Love them unconditionally.

And I have failed."

_Nothing ever stops all these thoughts  
And the pain attached to them  
Sometimes I wonder why this is happening  
It's like nothing I can do  
Will distract me when  
I think of how I shot myself in the back again  
'Cause from the infinite words I could say  
Put all the pain you gave to me on display  
But didn't realize  
Instead of setting it free  
I took what I hated and made it part of me_

A silent tear slipped down Danilo's cheek, and he wiped it away agitatedly.

_It never goes away_

"I remember, so long ago...I must have been thirteen. It was very late in the night, and my brother's and I were walking home from school. We had passed by an alleyway. The same dark, derelict alleyway we passed by everyday. But that day, this dark niche was occupied.

In the gloom we could make out two figures. All we really took in from the situation, was they were both male and they were both doing things that two men should never do.

Terrified, we all but ran back to our home. The memory of it haunted our minds for weeks later. We had witnessed a dark sin. One of the more abhorred. We felt that our very eyes were contaminated. Or so I thought.

One night, during our traditional family meal, my younger brother Gabriele, only nine at the time, spoke up. He told our father, in his usual naive way, of the horrors we had seen the forenight before. My brother Adamo and I held our breath as this idiot boy told our father of this. It was never meant to be spoken out loud!

I remember that night so well. It was the first time I had ever seen my father strike one of us. He listened quietly for a time, then, with deadly percision, he moved stealthily from his place at the table and place a resounding smack across my brother's cheek. He forbid him to not cry. A man didn't cry!

And on that night, I vowed to never lay a finger on my son in a harmful way.

And I have failed."

_Hearing your name  
The memories come back again  
I remember when it started happening  
I'd see you in every thought I had and then  
The thoughts slowly found words attached to them  
And I knew as they escaped away I was commited myself to them  
And every day I regret those things  
'Cause now I see  
That I took what I hated and made it a part of me_

The tears were now hurriedly rushing down his face and staining the paper before him. But still he wrote on. He had to.

_It never goes away_

Memories, from no longer than perhaps a day ago, flooded his mind.

Marco, coming out to him with the most terrified expression known to man gracing his innocent face.

Himself, stalking forth, eyes on fire. Yelling, pointing, spitting, screaming. Jabbing...ripping...tearing....hurting....killing....dying inside.

His lovely wife, huddling over the now lifeless body on the floor, snarling words of hatred. Telling him to 'get the hell out!' To leave and never show his face again.

His distorted reflection in the shattered mirror of his bedroom...showing glimpses of the blood on his hands.

Seeing his father's eyes instead of his own.

_And now  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be right here  
You've become a part of me  
You'll always be my fear  
I can't seperate myself from what i've done  
I've given up a part of me  
I've let myself become you_

"And now, I have come to the end of this letter. With only so many words left to say."

_Get away from me  
Gimme my space back  
You gotta just go  
Everything comes down to memories of you  
I've kept it in but now i'm letting you know  
I've let you go  
Get away from me_

_I've let myself become you  
I've let myself become lost inside these thoughts of you_

"I have sinned. I have sinned against the only person who should matter to me. My own son...my own flesh and blood. I have become the man I promised myself I would not. I have failed my wife...I have failed my son... and I have failed myself.

And now is the time to say goodbye. Pay the price that is due to me. For sorry....does not seem adequate at all.

Danilo del Rossi"

_Giving up a part of me  
I've let myself become you_

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::shivers:: This story even makes me wanna cry! ::cries::

Anyway, please review. It's much appreciated.


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